I love San Francisco, which is why I’m content to say… I’m leaving it. Today, March 3rd, marks my 6-year anniversary in this beautiful city. In six days, I’ll be on a one-way flight to NYC.
Over the course of my six years here, I often had to fight my (somewhat tormenting and romanticized) nomadic tendencies.
My first year in San Francisco was the worst. Having come back to the states after a few years overseas, I was depressed by normalcy. My identity as an explorer had expired. I was just like everyone else, and what a painful reality that came to be.
I had a 9-5 job with a bus commute full of men in suits. I bought a smartphone, and to my dismay, found myself looking at it rather than people in the eyes. Two years in, I was aching to leave.
I made a plan and put together a list of things I had to see before I left for NYC. But it dawned on me: Why not always have this mentality? Why not live with joy and a sense of urgency as if I’m always about to lose this city? So I stayed because saying sayonara felt too soon. Plus, I needed to learn how to stay put and be happy. Something I wasn’t used to.
Then, I met someone.
One year later, that someone broke my heart in a million ways plus one. And while he lived across the bridge and the city was “mine,” the idea of even existing in the same state seemed unbearable.
I made a plan and compiled a list of Brooklyn neighborhoods to live in. But, it dawned on me: People aren’t perfect, and I still seemingly loved that heartbreaker of mine. So I decided to stay and see if things could be forgiven with time.
One year later, to paraphrase Mariah Carey, that heartbreaker got the best of me and I should’ve have known right from the start he’d go and break my heart…again.
The break up sucked, and a new city seemed like the perfect remedy. But, I’d just started a new job, at a startup no less. Leaving wasn’t an option, as much as I wanted it to be.
In two years’ time, I came through to the other side. I no longer wanted to run from San Francisco (though, of course, it was never the city I was running from). I loved it, even.
I also feel incredibly lucky to have shared this city with my beautiful sister and best friend. A city that taught me how to vogue, DJ a radio show, make a film, dance ballet, let loose at a show, start a blog, enjoy long walks, and most importantly, how to find adventure and love in just one spot.
Only now do I feel as if I can leave this city’s arms. Because I know they’ll always be open, and I’ll forever be happy to jump back into them when or if the time comes. But why am I leaving at all? While I’ve learned my lesson, living in New York has always been a dream. And, I don’t like to make a habit of regretting things.
So, to celebrate the last six years, I’ve decided to create a soundtrack – One that includes my top 6 most listened to jams from each of the 6 years I spent in SF (2011-2017). These jams may not be brand new, but they’re still amazing, and will always remind me of you.
So long, SF.
- Mozart’s Sister – Don’t Leave it to Me
- Austra – Lose it
- Class Actress – Love Me Like You Used to
- Grimes – Crystal Ball
- Elite Gymnastics – Omamori
- Twin Sister – Bad Street
- Grimes – Genesis
- Vacationer – Good as New
- Purity Ring – Obedear
- How to Dress Well – & it Was You
- Charli XCX – Nuclear Seasons
- Tennis – My Better Self
- Unknown Mortal Orchestra – So Good a Being in Trouble
- Helado Negro – Dance Ghost
- No Joy – Hare Tarot Lies
- Angel Olsen – The Waiting
- K-X-P – Easy
- Blood Orange – You’re Not Good Enough
- St. Vincent – Prince Johnny
- Trust – Capitol
- Rickey Eat Acid – It Will Draw Me Over to it Like it Always Does
- Tirzah – Inside Out
- Hundred Waters – Show Me Love
- Black Milk – Dirt Bells
- Widowspeak – All Yours
- Julien Baker – Something
- Prince Rama – Bahia
- Grimes – Kill v. Maim
- Empress Of – Everything is You
- Unknown Mortal Orchestra – Ur Life One Night
- Mitski – Your Best American Girl
- Woods – Can’t See At All
- Banks – Gemini Feed
- Julie Byrne – Natural Blue
- Julia Jacklin – Pool Party
- Beyonce – Don’t Hurt Yourself (feat. Jack White) (not on Spotify, sorry) / Subbing in with Miya Folick – Pet Body
- Austra – Future Politics
- Sampha – Plastic 100°C
- Temples – Certainty
- Future Pelo – Swamp
- Jens Lekman – What’s that Perfume That You Wear?
- Tei Shi – Keep Running …. Fitting? 😉
p.s. The featured image/picture is one I took of Sutro Tower from my backyard – What a gloriously breathtaking city.
The philosophical falsetto God and dreamboat, Tom Krell, aka How to Dress Well, just released a new video for his amazing track “& it was u” off this year’s beloved and emotionally charged LP, Total Loss. The video was written and directed by Luke Gilford, and produced by Urban Outfitters (Okay?) as part of their UO Music Video Series.
Tom Krell was also warmly welcomed back to San Francisco this past week with another stunning performance at the Rickshaw Stop. The venue was packed three-fold in comparison to Krell’s last visit in June, and his performance was even more powerful, emotionally charged, and profound. Krell didn’t cover Janet Jackson’s “Again,” a track that several people were surprisingly eager to hear, but I did catch snippets of Ghost Town DJ’s “My Boo”/ INOJ’s “I Want to Be Your Lady Baby” tucked into his Total Loss gems. Krell also belt out some of his coveted R.Kelly jams, a new and intimate track written for his brother (sang A cappella), and interestingly, a falsetto-ed version of Elite Gymnastics‘ “Here in Heaven pt. 3.” Tom Krell/How to Dress Well‘s performances are always a breath of fresh air ironically accompanied by a heavy heart – a necessary experience, enough to give you chills.
Watch How to Dress Well‘s new video for “& it was u” and enjoy his cover of “Here in Heaven pt. 3”
How to Dress Well – & it was u
How to Dress Well – Here in Heaven pt. 3 (Elite Gymnastics Cover)
It’s a ridiculously beautiful day in San Francisco (for now), and there’s this amazing Indie music/food fest going on today: Phono Del Sol Music Festival, put on by The Bay Bridged. What’s totally ridiculous about this festival, is that it only costs $7-$10! What the hell? – Mind blowingly awesome. I was so excited about it, I asked half a dozen people to go with, and apparently/unfathomably, I don’t know anyone in San Francisco who’s ever heard of any of these bands (Unknown Mortal Orchestra, La Sera, Gardens & Villa, Dominant Legs, Sea of Bees, Mwahaha, The Fresh & Onlys) – It’s obvs not you San Francisco, it’s clearly… my friends. So fuck it, I’m going alone (!) and therefore, I also bring you a fabulous song from (most) artists playing at today’s fest – ‘cus if you didn’t know, now you know:
1) Unknown Mortal Orchestra – FFunny FFriends
2) La Sera – How Far We’ve Come Now
3) Gardens & Villa – Orange Blossom
4) Dominant Legs – Hoop of Love